I say I'm okay.
That's what I say at least.
It's what I feel during the day.
But at night it's different.
I say I'm okay
But why am I awake
Writing a poem at 1 am?
I say I'm okay but I do depressing
Things 24/7.
I lock myself up.
Skip meals.
Don't sleep.
Overthink.
When I'm not okay
I find myself in your chat
Because the simple thought
Of us talking calms
The storm.
Even if neither one of us is making
Much of an effort
It's some comfort in
My life that doesn't seem
At all friendly.
I say I'm okay
But I don't think I am.
I know I'm not.
But I say I am.
To avoid ruining your day
Yo avoid spoiling your mood
To avoid being a nuisance
To avoid being rude.
I find myself looking back
To when things were
Actually fine.
When I wasn't a nervous wreck
When I wasn't a depressing poet.
When I wrote poems about life and love
Because I tbought that was what I felt.
But it was a mindless infatuation
With you who I knew I'd never have.
I find myself hurting myself by
Still trying to love the idea
Of escaping in our conversation.
Every word is a pain.
Every leaf is a tree.
Every smile is the same.
None of them are for me.
I know I'm not happy.
I have no idea why.
But every deep breath
Simply ends in athe sigh.
You ask how I am,
I answer in the same way.
Every day is the same thing.
I say I'm okay.
© Uwais Coetzee
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Grade 12
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